Children and Adolescents

Children (5-11)

The language of children is play. I use sand tray, drawing, games and story-telling to help children express what they don’t yet have the vocabulary to express. Sometimes a child will create the same scene over and over in the sand tray, making little changes every week, until he or she has brought the problem to a resolution. Children struggling with their parents’ divorce will build a representation of each parent’s home, then move the figure representing themselves back and forth, from one house to another. We talk about what is the same and different in each house, how the journey is between them, and if needed the child adds what he or she needs to feel secure, such as a bridge between the houses or a guardian figure.

My ten-year-old Australian Shepherd is an important partner in my work with children. Shep is a Certified Therapy Dog who has been tested in many situations and was granted the highest possible rating by Pet Partners, a national registry for therapy assistance animals. He is an unconditionally loving listener, a warm living stuffed animal to hug, and an obedient performer of tricks. I’ve used him to teach gentleness and empathy with some children, and how to project authority with others. His presence immediately reassures kids that they aren’t at the doctor’s office, and that this is a place they can have fun.

Adolescents (12 – 18)

Your adolescent child is doing everything in her power to distinguish herself from you. If she is not, I’m more concerned about her than if she’s rebellious and untalkative. However, this developmental stage of individuation can make it hard for her to share herself with anyone other than her friends, who are often a source of worry for parents. It can also make her unpleasant to be around – that is, when she is around and not shut in her room with the door closed. Often a therapist is one of the few safe, healthy adults with whom an adolescent will open up and who can, after earning her trust, gently guide her in building her authentic self.

I truly enjoy working with adolescents.

As I sometimes say to parents, “I will like your child when no one else does!” Today’s teenagers are so much more psychologically sophisticated than previous generations, and often come to therapy already having diagnosed themselves. I approach them with respect and curiosity, viewing them as an unknown country we’re both exploring. I utilize techniques learned from my training in Emotionally Focused Family Therapy, in which parents and teenagers connect by sharing the fundamental fears and longings underlying the arguments about phones, grades, and the like. I have also found many adolescents quite receptive to EMDR (see “Trauma” tab).

A few words about my practice with adolescents: as trust is so crucial to teenagers, and as they have an extreme need for privacy, it is my policy not to share details about sessions with parents without the adolescent’s permission. The exception to this is if I believe the child is in danger, for example if she is using drugs excessively or self-harming, in which case I will inform the parents immediately. It is also my policy not to participate in enforced therapy; in other words, if after a couple of sessions a teenager doesn’t wish to continue coming, I will end the therapy. Not everyone is suited to therapy, or perhaps the time is not right; implicit in the concept of therapy is that it is a partnership, and a partnership cannot be forced.